-.-

Forgive me for this selfish post, but for me to progress with my spiritual walk, I felt that it was necessary to expose my inner life in this manner.

To take the heed to the words of Christ Himself, I must, in the figurative sense, cut off the hand that caused me to sin, to literally rebuke and recant any ties or realtionships with my sin and with anyone or anything that might have caused me to sin. How can I ask the church to allow me to lead my spiritual brothers and sisters, or ask ANYONE to follow me when my sins are dominating my life, and my struggles and temptations are dictating my actions? How can I set an example if my life in itself is not exemplary? Christ did not emphasize our actions as what is key in our relationship with Him, but His focus was on our hearts. I am not suggesting that I make myself perfect, but I must make the attempt to overcome the sins that have declared domination over my life. Dignity and honor as men and as a human beings do not come from quitting when all hope is lost. It is obtained by those who stand and fight regardless of the possibility of failure. Then, if with the blessing of God, they can and will overcome their battles with a memorable victory.

Paul said that we must not look to what is evil or bad, but to look to what is good and of God. He said not to look at his life as an example of how we should live, but look at how he strives to live for God and follow THAT example. I have failed to do so thus far in my life. I have given myself the excuse that change is a lifelong journey. In truth, SANCTIFICATION and GLORIFICATION is a lifelong journey. The change that should have happened in my heart, the change where I am disgusted and repelled by and from sin, should have been an instant transformation. Paul wrote that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

I must not allow myself to compromise with my sins. To say that smoking is not a sin, but a mere bad habit... To drink but not get drunk... To lust but not act on my desires... ALL of it is still sin. They all place our own desires over our desire to remain pure for God. They all contaminate our souls and our bodies when God had strictly told us to keep our bodies pure for we are temples of the Holy Spirit. I must not supply myself with the excuse that it is human nature. SIN IS HUMAN NATURE. We were born into sin. But what identifies us as children of God is the fact that we are in a victorious battle over sin. As a Christian, I do not sin because it is in my nature, but because I desire it. 

Every action and thought I commit has been processed within my mind. For me to sin and rebel against God, I had to have decided to do so! It does not just happen on accident! It is not a mistake, but a deliberate step away from God. How then is it, that when I disrespect God and turn away from Him so continuously, am I able to cry out to Him about the unfairness of my life? How is it that I have the audacity to ask Him why things are as they are, why he acts the ways that he does? How can I go to Him with mere supplications and no words of thanksgiving or confessions of misdeeds? What does God owe me when He has already given me salvation, unending grace, and a love that supercedes all other love and good things of this world?

Through writing this, I do not intend to brag or show off. If anything, I am abasing myself by acknowledging the fact that I have been living as a truly sinful hypocrite who compromised with sin, but intend to do so no more... My intention in publicizing my intent to change, even if this publication is to a smaller degree than what can be done, is in order for those who DO happen to view this and consider themselves close enough to me in order to do so may be able to read this and keep me accountable.

I pray that I may truly be transformed by the "renewing of my mind" through reading the word of God and LIVING according to what it says.